Nothing's easy.

Life is tough, but some may face it even tougher than we thought.

I have not been what I am suppose to be for past weeks, something that is unlikely to be ME. Years and years of trying with no results cuts me deeply in silence. Will anyone understand? To be a good daughter or not to be is a choice not a compulsory. Something different from other people's perspective but I'm sure whatever choices made, it has its own reasons. Maybe at times, religion constricts some choices, partly to its reasons and that I have to understand.

Depression is not a sickness, emotions and mentally affecting the mind. I almost wanted to take anti-depressants reason being, "To Forget All The Pain." It sounds weird or sounds ridiculous to some, but in my view, I feel it and understand from what I see. I've been studying someone that is facing this, comparing it to myself. One common thing, in the view of people, WE SEEM NORMAL. Happy. Cheerful. Problem-free.

Looking deeper inside, and she as a woman, there is some lack of some things that made her depressed. Unsure really the main issue to her, but it may be due to relationship, children, family for her. Not much of others I can relay on. Despite all these, family can be the big reason why.

Me? To be appreciated. If to find love out of the context of family, I've got all that love. Really. I have my lover, his family, friends. All the love that I need. Well, not much from friends but close ones Yes. Family? Lacking. Why? Yes I have everything, home, siblings, both parents, education, a complete thing. Not everything done is something appreciated. I work really hard, pushing myself higher than I could to be somebody they would say "PROUD". The most difficult thing that no one has ever done for me. I don't need all these luxury. Sometimes, Money is an issue too. Tell me about it. Other than that, A choice I've made for myself, was never something that is "OK".

I love my Boyfriend so much even if my family don't. Even if it is the hardest thing for them to accept, I'm still going on for it. For this once, I'm doing it for myself. Say about status, i'm no longer wanting that. Let status be in the eyes of Allah. I pray to Him that He will show me to the right path, and that the person I chose will guide and lead me and my children to Jannah. Insyaallah. One fine day, they will understand. One fine day.